Manifesting Reality, Self-Control and not-I

I understand that one of the eventual realizations of Insight Meditation is that there is no I. One of the things I wonder about is my ability to manifest my reality. I certainly can make a choice between things. For instance, if there is a menu of foods, I will certainly only select the vegetarian offerings and I will not select something I don’t like. So is that a case of me being in control and manifesting my reality or is it a case of me being a pleasure-seeking pain-avoid robot with no ability to create my reality?

Feeling jealous?

I’m sitting here in my room and this girl I have been talking with is here with someone else. And it fills me with jealousy. So let’s see:

  1. I thought you could create your reality. Why dont you just walk out there and say “ok polish my knob” and she leaves his company and comes to room and blows you off? It isnt going to happen is it? You arent going to be happy by getting your way are you. Poor baby. You cant have the candy you see in the candy store window.
  2. So now what? Get mad and throw a fit and plant sees for further violations of thought, speech and deed? Book yourself a reservation for a trip to the 3 hell realms below human upon death. Or maybe find another chick to fill her spot.
  3. Chasing sensation and urges is a lot of fun until someone else gets what you want, isn’t it.
  4. So let’s instead note the sensations in our body. And note them and note them. Sorry this is not an overnight fix like alcohol or cannabis. No running away from this by climbing into your float tank until they leave. You have 2-10 years of hard daily work at the simple task of noting to get what you really want – happiness beyond comparison, unshakeable by anything, anyone or any event. Make your choice fast and cheap and flimsy. Or long-term, durable and bullet-proof.

I know people in this “spiritual system” that have 3-somes with women and they still are whining for more. These poor souls dont realize that the 3 poisons are greed, hatred and delusion. And that they are greedy. And me? well my jealousy is a form of hatred. Call yourself spiritual because you can go noodle off and see fairies and so forth, but you will be the same defiled out-of-control deluded crybaby when you get back.

UPDATE: Oh my god, is this funny. I never saw the person who was here and assumed it was the girl I was interested in. It turns out it was some other girl altogether. So how the most important thing is your direct experience not your assumptions? Ok planning for the next thing you need to get done is good to. But unconfirmed jealousy about a fantasized situation is just plain hilarious!

… T

Just in case I ever think about working for Uber again…

There is this comment to reflect on:

I’ll tell what in Philadelphia Uber black drivers make about $5.00 or less an hour. There are way to many cars on the platform. Guys are logged on almost 80 hours. Uber is out of control. Drivers here are losing their cars because they can’t make the payments. It used to be ok . Guys were making money. But in October 14 Uber started defying the law here in philly and add uber x . Lyft followed . With an oversaturated platform the only ones making money are Uber. Oh yeah and maybe the companies buying the subprime loans we drivers took out to get uber started here. There about 12,000 or so uber x drivers in the Philly area. About 500 uber black drivers. There were only 1600 taxis . And Uber keeps adding cars. And to top it off uber raised our commissions to 25%. No way to make a living doing those in the Philly area anymore. But didn’t Pt Barnum say there’s a suckered born every minute. Most uber drivers here are former taxis drivers. So it won’t be long before uber is the same as the taxis everyone hates. Because if drivers can’t make money they can’t keep up with maintenance. It’s just not worth it for all the miles, wear and tear on their vehicle. Ubers business model is deceptive. That’s why they are working on the driverless car because regular people will catch on eventually. They killed what could have been a good thing for drivers.. But it great for riders.


I respectfully decline to answer the question

Given the rather diverse background in spirituality that I have, I sometimes get contacted for feedback on my experience with a particular spiritual system. My response to these queries is:

“All – and by that I mean actually just that, namely all – that you perceive and experience is exactly that, which you out of yourself, through your own causal thinking create, and indeed right…now!”

This quote comes from the text “Spiritologie” by Andreas Buttler. It is the best answer I can give you. Two people could enter a spiritual system and one could leave in tears months later screaming they are a destructive cult while the other person might join, and breeze through it and love it for all the years of their life. Why? Because each person co-created their experience.

The last thing I want is responsibility for altering someone’s spiritual inquiry because something I said that drew them into something that they could’ve avoided or kept them away from something that could’ve benefitted them. I’ve been kicked out of systems that other people are still going strong in and getting wins. So why should I weigh in and break someone’s stride?

That being said, I’ve been around enough systems that the words of John C. Lilly from his book “The Deep Self” do echo in my mind: “I definitely do not belong to any church or group.” Lilly said that the gnostic viewpoint was “using the self to find The Self as opposed to a church or group.”

You can get a lot of momentum, a lot of cameraderie and a lot of support when you align yourself with a group. But if they kick you out then all that connection and momentum is snatched out from under you. Hmm…

The final reason that I wish to reserve any comments on spiritual systems is that people seem to read things into what I say that I did not. For instance, I developed an interest in a person called Nikolay Dolgorukiy and someone jumped to the conclusion that I had started sungazing when I had not. His reasoning was:

  1. You are studying  Nikolay Dolgorukiy
  2. Nikolay Dolgorukiy is into sungazing
  3. You are into sungazing.

Now, my primary interest in Nikolay Dolgorukiy was his liquidarian diet. But this person took the liberty of saying I said things that I did not say based on his own errant reasoning.

Nothing against Sungazing. I did do that when I had an interest in Shri Hira Ratan Manek. But I did not do it at the time the person drew the false conclusion about me.

So that’s all folks, over and out… – T



White (me 12k) to move vs. 6k

So it’s my turn to move in this game. Let’s see what we have:

  • That H17 stone looks like it needs to be picked on.
  • Then again my E3 group is weak. It can leap to the corner or run out, but it really is not in a good shape.
  • He is growing a nice left side and I am growing a nice right side. I think my side is a bit more invadeable than his.
  • I can peep his H3 group at J4 or K4. Maybe I could prepare for that peep stone to run out and grow my right side at the same time with a move like N5?
  • My upper left group is not settled either, but it can run out. Maybe settle it with H15 and threaten to kill the H17 stone?
  • Maybe play S17 and make a play like L17 attack two unsettled groups?
  • C2 would make the peep and and cut at C6 more deadly.

Let’s play C2 to strengthen the weak group and get ready to push if he does not mind my peep.


beliefs create everything including a cup of green juice per day

Carol, I do hope that your current interest in raw food is understood in a metaphysical context: the laws of biology, physics, etc are all junior to your creative thought. Creative thought is senior to any particular set of laws, such as raw food, etc.

OK, presuming we are on the same page there. We can also admit that sometimes people are bums and lazy to their own creative considerations (like me).

Finally, feel free to look at this video, but only if you see raw food as a creative thought pattern that is junior to you the creative being:

Obtaining Myth II Soulblighter (for Mac OS X)

The Tain seems to be down, so returning to the game I played for 10 years, 10 years ago was a bit difficult.

I first grabbed the demo from the Wayback Machine archive of The Tain. After enjoying that, I was lucky to find a few links to download and install the full working version.

First grab Myth from the dropbox link here:

Then get the patch to upgrade to 1.8.0 here:

The key is that the .zip file contains a working Tags folder as explained here which is why you can then run the updater which writes over everything.

And if you’re wondering what the unit value of a Trow is, it’s 24!




So how are you doing?

– financially – My income is $5000/mo from my job and my spending is $7500/mo… miraculously, I am not overdrawn and in fact have 4K in the bank.

– spiritually: doing some Izunome but primarily focused on the integration of diet with spiritual clearing as discussed in Klaus Wolfram: “Fruits: Best of All Foods”

– personally: very lonely here in Florida. Ready to go home to my parents. havent seen them in 2-3 years.

– professionally: working as computer programmer remotely. Get to set my own hours and work on my home businesses

– emotionally: I wake up feeling way more limited in my havingness and my sense of beingness is very underachieved. But the first step to improving is to see where you are and decide where to go next. I have never been persistent in my goal to build my home business. I just played around with it, talked to a few friends but was never organized and professional. Now is the time to work it seriously for my benefit and the benefit of the company growth.

– mentally: the proper diet is making it possible to be aware of my dream patterns

– diet: following what Klaus Wolfram wrote in “Fruit: Best of All Foods”. fooled around with other raw diets. Saw that I was trying to satisfy myself with things I could not naturally obtain and so of course my body was sub-optimal as was my mind and emotions. The belly is the bridge or block between the lower and higher. And mine is blocked up, backed up, constipated and basically what most Americans think is OK and average and standard. Permanent Cosmic Orgasm can be had with the clearing of this area. But receiving Johrei from the Izunome Association also opens me up to Cosmic Orgasm (as Joshua Rainbow spoke about in Biotrophic Protocol) – it has been fun to feel trapped in a clay body with limits and needs but it is driving me to the brink of frustration. I want to be FOREVER HIGH and have to put in the time to make the belly a permanent bridge between lower and higher.

– sexuality: non-existent. There is a girl that I have a strong resonance with. Her name is Tiffany Davis. Thing is, she smokes cigarettes and is a Christian. And she eats meat. So I think we wont’ be able to support each other in our life paths. So I need to curtail my urge to be intimate with her. And help her out in other ways. This is going to be hard, especially since she is black and I have not had a black woman in a long time…

– big questions: will my computer company employ me next quarter starting in January?

– big concerns: will my company make me a permanent employee so that I have piece of mind about primary income while I form my secondary income through Lyoness?

– where do you see yourself in the next week: that kind of depends. I could be here in Florida or in Georgia with my parents.

– where do you see yourself in the next month: hopefully Dr. Stubbs will have registered her restaurant with our home business by then and we will be rolling on building the business.

– where do you see yourself in the next year: have talked to at least 2 merchants per month about the beauty power and elegance of my home business

– where do you see yourself in the next 5 years: 2 local businesses will be registered in my home business  thanks to me and I should have about 2000 to 5000 customers shopping for me every month!

– where do you see yourself in the next 10 years: returned to my true love, the floatation tank

– where do you see yourself in the next 20 years: finished the religious documents on my floatation tank RELIGION- yes RELIGION – not spiritual system. Tired of people who act like one is better than the other!!!

– where do you see yourself in the next 50 years: hopefully still rather mobile due to no longer trying to entertain myself with spurts of joy from eating the wrong foods. How sex will figure into my life is to be seen – I have felt Cosmic Orgasm simply from sitting still and receiving Johrei. So it is definitely possible to do it without diet. But I am certain once my channels clear up, it will be a constant state.