Once as a young child, “Terrence” stepped into a bed of red ants and they stung “Terrence” and “Terrence” was screaming and crying. But the interesting thing is that even though Terrence was engaging in all of those behaviors and experiences, “I” was not in agony. I.e., I am drawing a distinction between the behaviors of the biological organism and me and I’m wondering if continued practice of TWIM returns one to a state where the biological organism is still engaging in its behaviors but there is no “Me” there to agonize over the outcome of it’s actions.
As a young child, i was not always there with my body, yet it seemed to get along safely anyway. E.g., I would find myself in the cafeteria eating lunch. Then I would drop out of contact with the body and find myself in a math class. Then the next time I would pay attention to my body, I would be getting on a school bus to go home. Observation: the biological organism probably had a continuous set of actions and managed to behave in a socially acceptable fashion and not get physically injured even though “I” was not there every minute thinking about what the biological organism should do and say to be socially acceptable and avoid physical injury to itself. Question: does continued practice of TWIM lead to a state free of attention on the biological organism practicing TWIM, yet the biological organism continues to function safely and socially acceptably?
LOVE versus PREFERENCE. We are called poly-amory, but maybe I’m involved in poly-liking… I have to get technical to discuss this…
There are 2 ways to cover this topic, anecdotal and theoretical. I will start with theoretical. For anything you perceive with your 5 senses, the first impression is pure sensation, then a few instants later, one may decide that the sensation is good, bad or indifferent. If the sensation is “good”, then you try to persist it (in violation of The Great Law of Impermanence). If the sensation is “bad” then you try to resist or repel it (and therefore keep it around like the Vietnamese fly trap). Or you can be in pure neutrality and let it flow up and release.
So why is this important? Let’s be anecdotal. Today, I received two messages on Tinder. Although it is possible to “love” these people – unconditionally accept them and always act towards them with agape (loving-kindness), I sure as hell dont want to see them in my bed sheets anytime soon… in other words I do not *like* them. Therefore I am a poly-preference robot that seeks pleasure and avoids pain (in Theravada Buddha theory) instead of a Mother Theresa servant of The Profound Neutral who ceaselessly gave of herself for others regardless of how pretty or ugly they were.
The theoretical discussion I provided is called “The 12 Links of Dependant Arising” in Buddhism. Buddhists aim to transcend this cycle. I like to enter the cycle consciously in the name of having a game to play. But most of the time my subconscious implants have me caught in this samsaric will at the effect of deep samskaras.
Hey, I wanted to bring you up to date on a number of things.
Rewinding way back to April of last year, I was in New York at the Brooklyn OM house. I got employed around June at Bank of America and took out a 1-year apartment lease in Staten Island.
Anyway, 6 months into the lease I was terminated without notice from my job for budget reasons. Luckily, I had been saving in Bitcoin on a regular basis. And Bitcoin only cost $300 at the time, but cost $1,200 when I was terminated.
Also, I had taken out a huge loan because I was going to buy an income-producing property. But when I lost my job, I could no longer qualify to buy and needed to live off that money as well.
I decided that I needed to be able to generate income without being tied to a particular location or a particular employer, especially given that being terminated at Christmas was a pattern that had repeated itself for the 3 past years without fail: 6 months of contract computer programming followed by a budget cut and a termination.
So I was looking through the classifieds and saw a life insurance ad for working from remote. It sounded OK. My mom was skeptical and there were some negative comments about them, but I decided to ignore that.
I earned my insurance license after 3 months of regular study. But then for some reason, I could not bring myself to sell insurance.
So, when my lease ended I left New York for Georgia. I immediately reconnected with you. But for awhile you were out of commission because of the auto accident. I ran across a girl on OKCupid with a strong interest in OM. She lives in Roswell, but we have not met yet. She divorced for reasons of wanting to pursue a polyamorous lifestyle. Based on my studies with JJ Roberts “Sex 3.0” and “The Book of the Mother” by Shiva Lila I have similar leanings. The big question with something like that is: is it based in carnal greed or heavenly connection. As a person, I see both sides in myself. Early OneTaste celebrated the shadow side of a person. But now they have removed all that from their teachings. I can count at least one other time they had certain teachings and then dropped them.
So the thing for me was, I didnt want to start OM unless I was certain I was going to be able to do it regularly for a long time. When I first got here, I had 2 jobs offered to me but I turned them down because I decided that it was urgent to purify and strengthen my body via Hot Yoga. And I figured that the cleaner I was spiritually, the better off I would be materially. So I started doing hot yoga every other day and didn’t really do much searching for a job.
All the while my Bitcoin and cryptocurrency (Bitcoin is the first cryptocurrency, but there are many others) holdings kept growing and growing and growing. By chance, a lot of my holdings were in proof-of-stake coins (PoS). A PoS coin gives you more free coin simply for holding your wallet open. That is known as “minting”. This is in contrast to Bitcoin which is a Proof of Work coin – where you must do a certain type of work to earn free coins. That work is known as “mining”.
Once I was hacked, I panicked and began desperately searching for computer programming work anywhere to cover my bills. Really, I have enough savings for 3 more months of living. But I did not want to drain that savings and come to the end of 3 months still with no job. So I interviewed and was accepted for a position in Jersey City, NJ. There was nothing being offered from Florida through North Carolina that I matched with. I had 7 days to decide on the offer.
I really didnt want to move (even though the heat was being put on me by my Mom to go: “I dont think a 48 year-old should be living with their parents.”) and scoured Craiglist for jobs as well as emailed a few people to see about generating income.
I had a lot of confusion about a lot of things, so I decided to look up an alternative therapist that I knew in Columbus Ohio ( http://mysanitygirl.com ) … she does these body readings where she tells you what your body is feeling. To go to a therapist is an odd thing: other people can see things about you that you don’t see, so they tell you things that you might not have noticed. On the other hand, you might be sacrificing your sense of self-determination and confidence for someone else’s judgement.
The issue of getting help from others comes up a lot in my life: I play golf, but I refuse to have a teacher. I watch videos and read books and experiment, but I dont think anyone can teach me how to play. I’m also VERY big on the floatation tank because it allows people to meditation and become very aware without anyone else meddling with them.
But anyway, back to the lady that I contacted for feedback on the issues of employment, financial freedom, life mission, spiritual practice, best location to live in, and diet, a lot was covered. Here are the high points:
– she did clearly state that Jersey City, NJ was NOT a good area for me.
– she said that as far as financial freedom, life mission, spiritual practice that I should not be focused on what to do, but WHY i was doing it and referenced a very compelling Ted Talk by Simon Sinek called “Start with Why” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4ZoJKF_VuA
– I recently came across a person who did a 90-day Juice Feast and decided that I would pursue a live vegan diet as part of a path towards even more restricted diets. Her reading was that cooked vegan was fine, especially to slow down some of the detox I would experience. Also that I needed a parasite cleanse in the next 2 weeks. So I followed her advice about eating cooked food by rushing out and getting all my favorite vegan dishes. But then the next morning I wanted to eat upon waking but I was aware that eating would force me to digest food and make me sleepy for several hours. That was when I began to wonder why I sought someone else’s advice. On the one hand, I manipulated her advice to feed my addiction to tasty cooked food. But as soon as I saw that overeating was throwing me into a stupor, I began to resent the very same advice!
– One very unusual thing in the body reading had to do with a company that seemed to be the answer to my dreams. I was ready to throw everything aside until her reading advised against it. I questioned her advice and she said it had something to do with the ethics of the company.
– She said that a lot was going on around Bitcoin and that it was being taken over by people who had a different vision from the (fictitious) founder. Some sort of crash might be coming. So on this advice I immediately decided to cash out a good amount of Bitcoin, knowing full well that even if there is turmoil, Bitcoin will probably be at $20,000 by May 2018. But I only know the past, not the future, so I had to play it safe.
– around the start of next year is when I would find the income I was looking for.
Also, regarding her body reading, I began to wonder if she/the universe was testing my conviction. Maybe it was saying now just to see how badly I wanted to achieve something, similar to the way a woman tests a man to see just how interested he is… man, all the things I learned about women in 2 years of OneTaste versus 40 years before it. Finally, a yes or no has to be taken in context: I do a Japanese religion which is right around the corner from your house. I was told: no I dont need to be involved. But maybe that “no” was reading the fact that driving to and from there was very dangerous – a multi-lane highway with lots of big trucks and fast cars. And that it would be OK to do the same religion at the headquarters in NJ?
But anyway, I woke up the next morning and thought to myself: being in isolation in the tank is more important to me than anything. If I keep lolligagging around with a strong steady source of income, it will be 1-2 years of barely paying my bills and all the while, I will not have any time in the isolation tank because I won’t have my own place. I need to go ahead and become a cubicle prisoner/slave for my six-figure income, pay down my debt and save for a house purchase or two so that I can provide isolation tank services and maybe form an Orgasmic Mindfulness house in Atlanta.
So I then went and accepted the position in Jersey City. And ever since then I was have alternately wanted to kick myself or kill myself. I hate the cold. I hate urban areas. I hate working for others. I hate being alone with no friends. But we can look at many successful people and see that they suffered HUGE setbacks before finally succeeding. I think the key is to have a why … with the most fundamental why being: why are you here on this earth and what do you what to get done by the time you are dead? And for me that statement is:
in late 2001, I went to Madre Grande Monastery in Dulzura, CA for a month-long meditation retreat.
Later, I went to the AHAM Meditation and Retreat Center in Asheboro, NC for a 10-day meditation retreat.
These retreats and other practices have me convinced that a good amount of what can be obtained spiritually can be obtained all by oneself simply by floating in an isolation tank continuously for 4-8 weeks. Harry Palmer did 8 weeks. I did 6 weeks and attest to the power of this.
So I would say my life mission is foster the spiritual growth of others by making 4-8 weeks of floatation available on a not-for-profit basis. Secondarily, I would say that while isolation is the way to personal freedom, I would say that the way to freedom of society is by forming orgasm stations where people can fill up without attaching to any particular dogma or teachings.
Mom, when you were leaving you stated “I noticed a change. You came out and helped us.”
To be honest, I was on the fence about coming out and helping. My thought process was: these are 2 mature adults who know how to take care of themselves. If I come out and volunteer help, that could be distracting them from their focus. Or it could be seen as insulting their intelligence.
In the end, I did come out.
But please understand: there are many ways to evaluate a situation. And my idea of what is the highest good for all involved may be different from your idea and without explicit communication, problems can arise.
In March of 2016, my Dad got me into golf and I became serious about it for the first time in my life. I immediately began to read books and look at instructional videos. Over time, I came across several rapid golf learning systems, one of which of Ron Sisson’s Real Golf Swing method.
I experienced great results with it, but began to doubt that I was getting the full picture of how to play the game. For instance, the instruction was so simple, I began to wonder about weight shift, shaft lean, and the short game and felt that the instruction was lacking in these respects. So I went on a year long journey of researching and buying over and over but finally returned the RSW (real swing golf). Just prior, I was enamoured of Positive Impact Golf. There are a lot of instructors and some good student testimonials. And Brian Sparks’ book is highly recommended. That being said, I would say that the more you listen to EVERYTHING that Ron Sisson has to say about learning and playing golf, you will learn a key difference between the two systems.